Thanks to guest contributer ‘Old father Thames’ for this post (I know, how strange).
We were given tickets to see Eddie Izzard at the Palladium. I’m not his greatest fan, but I selflessly agreed to attend as my wife likes him and we’ve seen his show many times over the years. Also, it was free.
All started well. We met in COMPTOIR LIBANAIS, a Lebanese restaurant in Poland Street. It’s a chain – we’d eaten in another branch previously, which was good – as it was this time.
Being gutsy, I ordered my usual Falafel starter followed by the lamb & rice and, as show time was approaching, we asked for everything to come at the same time. After a slight wait – nothing really but you know when you’ve got to be somewhere time slows. But then – Lord, the portions! Very big even for me, and very tasty too.
The falafel was crispy on the outside with a pleasing green inner and supplied which much houmous. I dispatched two of the blighters with ease but during the third my munching slowed, a slight fulness of the tum was felt and I as looked at my lamb and rice I thought ‘sorry lamb and rice, there is no way I’ll fit you all in’. I did try, using a pleasing Lebanese ale to wash down the Falafel to make room, but with only partial success – shame on me.
Time was ticking on so we were forced to leg it , pausing only while they brought the bill, disappeared for 5 minutes, came back saw that I was paying with a card, disappeared for another 5 minutes, came back with the machine and we paid. Oh the stress…
We ran to the Palladium and got there 15 minutes early. Typical. Now, if you’re passing the Palladium and are bit thirsty, I recommend their Gin & Tonic from the Royal Circle bar, most refreshing and yours for a mouth-watering £10 (!)
We went in the auditorium and made ready for the show. The Palladium looks huge on TV but it is not, neither are the chairs, or the bloke that sat next to me , nor am I. Cramp-o-rama. This is why I don’t go to the theatre, or the cinema for that matter. People squashing me and nattering, no way of pausing the action or switching it off when it’s dull. And dull it was. There are big Eddie Izzard fans who laugh at every utterance, funny or not, but even they were struggling to do so this time around as Eddie rambled on, part lecturing and part stream of unrehearsed consciousness. I recall one good joke about a bike but for the most part it was lazy, and I wished, having had my fill I could have left – like a comedy version of Lamb and rice.
The show ended and we went to the car park in Poland street. Horror! A scallywag (or wags) had smashed my cars back window and nicked my bag. As I’d just come from working away for a couple of days, it contained my laptop! They also swiped by dirty undies, the beasts.
Got home late after much phoning of window firms and insurance.
And so to bed, safe and sound, never to go out again.
Eddie Izard: 2
Poland street car park: 0